"I once heard the saying 'God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable.' In my suburban comfort, I increasingly felt disturbed by God. I became very uncomfortable in the comfortable suburbs. The beautiful thing was my discomfort arose not from a cynical judgmentalism but from a longing for something more. I did not want to settle for comfort. I did not want to settle for a life detached from the groaning of the slums or the beauty of playing in open fire hydrants and having block parties in the inner city." - Shane Claiborne
This is where I am right now. This is what I'm experiencing right now. God give me the knowledge and guidance to know what to do now.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Careful Now...
I am slowly crawling out of the depths of a long and destructive illness. (Woah, that was deep.)
In other words, I've been sick the past week but I think I'm almost better. I have a feeling once I go back to work tomorrow I will go back to feeling like crap again though. Not because I'll get sick again; I just always feel like I'm going to die when I'm at work... or is it I feel like I want to die.. I'm not sure which. Either way, I am surrounded by the feeling of death at the workplace. That, and a swarm of gnats.
In other news, I am continuing to learn new things daily and grow at a speed I never thought possible. No, I am not the incredible hulk (although I wish I was), I am growing internally. I'm hoping all this growth becomes apparent on the outside eventually as well. I pray for a smooth and swift translation.
I'm taking steps I would have never seen myself taking in the past. They are baby steps, but they are steps none the less. Once I find the direction I am supposed to go, I step there, where as in the past I would have hesitated and gone a different way.
I ultimately point my thanks for this growth in His direction, for all that He has done in my life. I also am thankful for the people He has put in my path, most importantly, Kelly. She has changed my heart, my outlook and my soul. Or maybe God changed me through her. Either way, I am so blessed to have her in my life. (This is when I stop and realize..."wait. I do not tell her this or show her this in everyday life." and I feel retched because of it.)
In other words, I've been sick the past week but I think I'm almost better. I have a feeling once I go back to work tomorrow I will go back to feeling like crap again though. Not because I'll get sick again; I just always feel like I'm going to die when I'm at work... or is it I feel like I want to die.. I'm not sure which. Either way, I am surrounded by the feeling of death at the workplace. That, and a swarm of gnats.
In other news, I am continuing to learn new things daily and grow at a speed I never thought possible. No, I am not the incredible hulk (although I wish I was), I am growing internally. I'm hoping all this growth becomes apparent on the outside eventually as well. I pray for a smooth and swift translation.
I'm taking steps I would have never seen myself taking in the past. They are baby steps, but they are steps none the less. Once I find the direction I am supposed to go, I step there, where as in the past I would have hesitated and gone a different way.
I ultimately point my thanks for this growth in His direction, for all that He has done in my life. I also am thankful for the people He has put in my path, most importantly, Kelly. She has changed my heart, my outlook and my soul. Or maybe God changed me through her. Either way, I am so blessed to have her in my life. (This is when I stop and realize..."wait. I do not tell her this or show her this in everyday life." and I feel retched because of it.)
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